As you’ve probably heard, YOU ARE THE SUM OF THE 5 people you hang out with… and that is what led me to ask - “Wouldn’t that mean that I am the sum of what I consume too?”
Think about the last time you watched a show and after you felt uplifted and inspired. Now think of a time when you listened to a podcast and then spiraled into worry about the future.
As you probably already know, what we consume INFLUENCES our mood, thoughts, and even The state of our physical body.
These Influencers work in the background. You know, like the eerie music in a horror flick or a romantic melody in a love story. They subconsciously set you up to think and feel without you intentionally choosing.
So what do we do about it? And how can we use these Influencers for the better?
In this article, I am going to help you identify your top Influencers so that you can have more awareness and use them to possitivly improve your life. I’ve created and included an experiment to that will give you some great results.
These five Influencers have such a powerful subconscious effect on you, that when you conduct this experiment you will notice these simple shifts change the tone and perspective of your life.
That may seem like a bold statement, but science and psychology are finding that your inner dialog, your default thought patterns, and your mood paint the picture of your life.
What are the 5 influencing categories?
Music & Environmental sounds
Movies & Entertainment
Information; News, Articles, Blogs, Books, & Social Media
Texts, Emails, Conversations, & Styles of communication
Events, Sports, Classes, Community, & Celebrations
(Bonus 6 Influencer is the people you hang out/spend time with. That’s a little bit harder to control. Let’s start with the first 5.)
Now you can see why I say that you can change your life by changing these 5 Influencers. All of that is contributing to your feelings, thoughts, health, and spiritual connection - day in and day out.
Before I break down the categories any further, I’ll get straight to the 14- day exercise I’m inviting you to. I can’t recommend it enough. Here we go!
THE EXPERIMENT:
The Goal - If you're like me, or the majority of highly sensitive people, you want to feel less overwhelmed, more grounded, and connected to your inner peace. The goal of this experiment is to use Influencers that support you in feeling better about yourself, your life, and the world around you.
Your Commitment - For 14 days be willing to switch up or take a break from your personal Influences. You’ll be bringing your awareness, and willingness to try something new, and review and notice how these small shifts INFLUENCE you.
It will be easier than you think. You got this - the rewards are huge!
START HERE:
Now, set your personal intention or goal.
👉🏿 In your phone app or journal write down the first 3 feelings you want to feel more often. Takes 2 minutes!
How do you want to feel most often or what do you want to feel more of?
I ask this question so that you have a measurable goal and can more easily notice the effects of this experiment. You may not know what might come from having new Influencers… but that is why this is an experiment! You will try new things, gathering intel, and refine as you go!
Note: You’ll use this list of desired feelings to refer to later and see if your new influencer is going to make the cut.
HERE WE GO ~ STEP ONE:
Let’s set you up for success!
With these simple things, we often jump right in and make a changes without releasing some of the pressure to be perfect and make the biggest impact.
Know that this list will grow and change over time as you explore, continue to experiment, and assess the quality of your life. Again, our goal is to feel more of what we want to be feeling. Small and consistent daily choices have the most power.
👉🏿 Keep out that note app on your phone or grab your pen and start another list in your journal.
Alright, we will start with bringing awareness to just one of the Influencer categories above.
STEP ONE: Pick the easiest Influencer first. (The one you have the most control over.)
Maybe it is the news? My husband used to put the news in the morning for the weather report (I should mention this was before smartphones). It drove me crazy because there were such horrible reports of atrocities happening all over the world before the weather report came on. I started asking him to go on his computer to get the weather. Now, with our smartphones letting us know the weather we switched to music in the morning and have so much more fun starting our day.
AWARENESS ~ STEP TWO:
In this step, you will bring awareness to the control and choice that you do have in the category you’re focusing on. 👉🏿 Answer the following…
QUESTIONS:
Who is choosing the majority of the music and programs I watch?
What is their core message and what feeling does this bring out in me?
Can I have more control or choice over this?
How does your Influencer affect you?
Inspired
Energized
Hopeful
Nervous
Drained
Overwhelmed
Why are you choosing it?
You think you’ll be informed, prepared, or relatable.
It is what your parents did or what your friends do.
It is how I spend time with my __________.
It actually makes you feel good. (Then keep it!)
There can be a tricky aspect to this because we can find comfort in familiarity and regularity. You may be familiar with the concept of the comfort zone, yes? It tells us that even if you identify that the Influencer makes you feel anxious or down, the brain feels a weird sort of safety with what it knows and can expect. You may find your hesitent to change it.
For example, one of my friends grew up with country music. She lived in a rural area, in pasture lands. When she grew up she started working on a horse ranch. The country music made her feel connected to all the other “ranch hands” and was connected to her identity of being a real country gal. One year, she started to notice that her moods would swing from melancholy to loneliness throughout the day. Even though she had been in a relationship for a few years and was happy and in love. Many country music songs are about lost love, broken hearts, and pining for someone.
She decided to take a break from the country radio stations and listen to new genres that were more uplifting and lighthearted. Within a week, she told me she was dancing at work and feeling more joyful. The feelings of wanting and of lost love diminished. And the reality that she didn’t have to listen to country music all the time to be country.
Just think about what will change for you!
ALTERNATIVES ~ STEP THREE:
Now that you have gained clarity and more awareness of the Influencer category you’re upleveling. 👉🏿 In this step, you’ll create a general list of what you currently choose and start a list of three alternatives you can try out. This list of alternatives is going to support you in choosing differently for the next 14 days.
Take 5 minutes right now, and log this info with these questions to prompt you.
QUESTIONS:
What am I currently feeling as I engage with this Influencer?
What would I like to feel more of?
What other options do I know are available to me?
What are other people tapping into? (Ask for recommendations)
CONSIDER:
If you’re listening to mainstream news networks, (first assess how they make you feel) Now consider, could you get that info from a different source that leaves you with a hopeful or empowered feeling?
Podcasts
Audiobooks
Youtube
An expert, doctor, therapist
Written content
A school or network
Family member, teacher, mentor, friend
LAST STEP ~ MAKE IT HAPPEN:
This is where we bring your inspired action into practice! 👉🏿 In this step, you will create a system and accountability to track and keep you aimed at your goal… Feeling better about yourself and in your life.
(Revisit your desired feelings list, if you want a boost of energy).
We tend to be creatures of habit and we tend to get busy. So when it comes to creating change we may feel too tired and postpone it… remember I’m here for you and so is your smartphone!!!
Let’s set a daily reminder to choose differently TODAY. Do it now. Pick a time of the day when you have the energy and the willingness to try something new.
QUESTIONS:
What time of day is that for you?
What is your reminder/accountability system? Your phone or a friend who is willing to join in this experiment?
You can partner up with someone - a housemate, a spouse, a friend, a co-worker. Making changes with someone else on your team can be powerful by combining your efforts.
Consider communication with those people in your world. It can be very helpful. They will have no idea that you are trying something new if you don’t tell them. They are going to expect you to be the same as yesterday. This can sabotage your efforts. Share your goals with others to avoid this frustration and possibly roadblock. Getting more people on board with up-leveling your Influencers amplifies your results.
And I’m here for you too! I’d love to be your accountability partner - email me at hello@amberjanehealing.com and tell me what you learned from this assessment and what you want to change. I’ll check-in and support you with this simple and effective shift. Let’s celebrate too!
KEEP GOING ~ IT GETS EVEN BETTER:
After you have given one of the categories 14 days consider using another 14 days on a second, third, or fourth area of Influence.
To really allow yourself to create permanent change, I’d suggest working through the steps for each Influencer separately. You will gain even more awareness of the known and unknown influences of your life! You might find you never noticed that the show you binge on leaves you feeling stressed or lacking vs. rested and fulfilled.
Some crazy simple, in-the-moment power moves:
TURN IT OFF
WALK AWAY
SAY NO
DELETE
UNSUBSCRIBE
BLOCK
INFLUENCERS ~ BREAK DOWN
Here is the breakdown of the 5 Influencers.
Truly they are the buffet of emotions and viewpoints or the atmospheric conditions of your daily life experience.
Music & Environmental sounds:
Let’s start with frequencies and sound waves. Did you know that sound creates physical patterns in water, sand, and yes, our bodies? Have you ever listened to live acoustic music or attended a sound healing event? The effect is so profound!
Our bodies respond so well to vibration ~ Like we are little balls of playdough.
Music is also full of stories and the powerful vibration of words spoken, as well as the definition and meaning words, invoke.
Lyrics can move movements, create a culture, inspire you to feel emotions, and even shift your personality as we mime the music that is flowing through our ears, brain, heartbeat, and movement.
RECOMMENDATION:
Try out different music genres and sounds. Take note of the energies, emotions, and suggestions behind the music that you are listening to? What words are they using?
Notice the emotions and energy in your body and mind. It can be a fascinating exercise. Choose the music that broadcast the feelings and energy you want to have more of. Use music and sound as a tool to blow off steam, raise your vibration, relax from a stressful moment, and even have a spiritual connection.
Also, consider electronic buzzing in your home. What does your alarm clock sound like? Can you create a more supportive-sounding physical environment?
Sounds found in nature can be very healing and rejuvenating. Consider moving outdoors or go to a park to get away from the noise of the city and receive the natural relaxing offers
Movies & Entertainment:
These stories contribute to the stories of our lives. Our unconscious brain has no idea that what is happening on the screen is NOT happening to us. Thus, our emotions are triggered throughout the show.
I have literally watched my daughter sweat as her cortisol levels raise because of the stress on the screen. Most of us have raised our tolerance but children often show us what’s happening on the inside.
As Homosapiens we learn through examples. And mimic the people around us. As we watch conflict resolution (or dismissiveness) we unknowingly absorb and play out scenarios we’ve seen on TV, especially if we have not had better examples earlier in life. Entertainers can become teachers as the lack of real-life experience and community connection grows.
All this influence is in the hands of the screen and script writers that often, for entertainment’s sake, do not use compassionate, constructive, or reflective conversation styles to solve problems.
Lastly, movies tend to focus on good vs. evil. (Though this is changing.) This is an old paradigm and we are ascending beyond these two choices.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
Try more stories that make you feel good and laugh, and see how this changes your daily life? Try tapping into more inspiring stories or consider spiritual and nature content.
When, if ever, have you gone to see real live people act on a stage or street performance. Give your mind and body a different experience with live theatre.
Information; News, Articles, Blogs, Books, & Social Media:
First, stop scrolling when you start feeling bad. Take a break and engage with the actual people in your life or nature.
This is by far the information age. You can find almost any viewpoint possible out there. Think of this category as a subscribe button. What perspective, what story about the world do you want to become your reality?
The news is a buffet of fear, sadness, and horrible things that are happening in the world. That is what they focus on. All venues have an agenda ~ Check in and see if you are in alignment with their agenda. If it isn’t clear, let your feelings and thought reveal it.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
What you tune into the most becomes your strongest Influencer. Know that you can always balance out the heavy or sad with the inspiring and good news. Fine-tune your scales to have more of what you want to be feeling and what lens you want to be viewing the world through.
We contribute to the world (we are currently creating) by simply the feelings and energy we house in our bodies, minds, and spirit. What would you like to contribute more of, most often?
Texts, Emails, Conversations, & Styles of communication:
This is a crazy one… that you don’t always have control over because it involves other people. What I have practiced that I have gotten more and more comfortable with over the years is using uplifting words, talking about what I do want vs. what I don’t want, and complimenting people.
Also, I have a golden rule (that yes, I break from time to time). It is, if you are emotional, it needs to be a phone call or put on pause. Emotional texting or emailing is like “drunk dialing” - DON’T DO IT. Take a breath and walk away. You may even need to vent to someone first before communicating further.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
I highly recommend learning different styles of communication. There is Non-violent communication, Reflective listening styles, Crucial Conversations, and Imago, to name a few.
You can also not respond. If someone is angry texting, accusatory, or violent on social media, you have the option to not respond. Often we want to be heard, defend, or hurt the person who is hurting us. You get to decide what conversation you want to be a part of. Remember that.
Events, Sports, Classes, Community, & Celebrations:
This area of your life might be the second hardest to change and may take years to completely transform. But don’t worry, one thing at a time.
What are you exposing yourself to? This is a huge Influence because it often includes community, which is connected to the most challenging Influencer of them all… People.
What’s on your calendar? Also get curious, what is there to attend? I just got invited to a reception party for a couple I knew years ago. A lot has changed, first I was feeling protective and busy - then I listened to my inner voice reminding me that I love the community and should be curious about this even before writing it off.
In the U.S. there is a massive lack of community. This area can provide a positive connection and expand your network. When you have a network of people you are generally most supported when you need it.
RECOMMENDATION:
Get curious, what is available to you? What are you interested in?
Try something new and see!
You might also consider creating and establishing new boundaries and choices around the family, friends, and community you already have. I remember when my daughter was born, it finally gave me the strength to end a friendship that was draining me. It took guts but I’ve never been happier with that choice.
Friends & Family:
Ouch. It can be so hard to say goodbye to people who are not moving in the same direction as you (aka making similar choices). It can also feel like we do not have a choice.
I have chosen to say goodbye or create new boundaries in friendships and relationships. This has been done in many different ways:
Direct conversation (or confrontation)
Slowly disappearing ~ Which has been fine in some relationships and hurt feelings in others.
Setting firm boundaries and offering other options.
This can be the messiest and sometimes the most magically easy. When it’s messy it’s usually because one of us in the relationship doesn’t want to hear the truth of the other person (or themselves). It can also be because one of us is wanting something that the other person can not give.
Through the parting of ways and the bad breakups I’ve learned that we do our best, we learn with each one, and if we are willing to communicate our needs then we invite the person deeper into the relationship, offering them an opportunity to change or say adiós.
RECOMMENDATIONS:
Try changing yourself first. Once I was feeling so bad about my sister and my relationship. I felt guilty all the time. And didn’t feel like we connected when we did spend time together. Finally, I sought to heal my stuff in this relationship (because that’s really all we can do). I discovered assumed expectations that I had created and asked her questions about what made her feel loved and what was the best way to communicate. Her answers eased my tension! She said, to text her every so often. I said, easy done. I’ve also learned that she likes things being planned so she doesn’t have to plan. It’s amazing what can change when we look for solutions vs. prodigy the problem.
“Don’t go to a Chinese restaurant and order tacos.”
This is one of my favorite quotes and it is wise information. When we keep going to a grumpy uncle for praise on our accomplishments, we will be disappointed every time. When we realize that we are asking for something that someone can not give us, we can free ourselves from pain and go look for it somewhere else.
May the wisdom I have collected thus far support you in creating a sphere of Influence that lifts you up into the world, the life, and all the desires in your heart!
Many blessings to you!
Amber Jane
MORE ABOUT HOW THIS ALL WORKS
After a session, a client asked me how I keep my faith and hope when so much toil and trouble is happening on the planet? Well, this question led me to think about how I control my environment and what daily choices I make.
Get the recorded audio here.
25 years ago I read a book called: “Four Arguments for the Elimination of Television” along with other books like “1984”. These books freaked me out. Wow, holy crap we are SO BRAINWASHED AND INFLUENCED!
Still, I know that we are far more subconsciously suggested to than I would like to believe… But as I started paying attention to violent scenes in movies and closing my eyes, turning off advertisements on the radio, and consuming positive content so I could outweigh what I couldn’t control around me.
I started to answer the question for my client by telling them that I CHOOSE to listen and consume positive, healing, uplifting, and inspiring streams of Influence.
I’ve had great success in this practiced awareness and choice and I know you will too.
